Help

We are in need of some help. Our home visit with our social worker is coming up in the next week and we are seriously unsure about what we need to do. I know all home study agencies and social workers are different;however, surely some things are the same across the board. Please let me know what to expect and any advice all of you out there have to offer.

Oh, and here is the picture of the kids' room I promised.

It is hard to see but the curtains, sheets, and duvet covers are all gingham. The curtains are covered with gingham stars. The dog picture on the wall hung in Ty's nursery. We might have to change to cribs later but we will see...

I almost forgot! We are minus one bathtub but we have a floor. Maybe Ty will write about the adventures...


Jennifer

A Day for Me

Today I took a day just for myself...and a little for our future children.

My monthly bookgroup meeting was last night in Birmingham. We had a great time. We play Dirty Santa at our Christmas gathering every year. I think I came out on top. After a bit of whining, Lorrin let me keep the apron that says "My bookgroup can beat up your bookgroup." How cool is that? Melody gets the prize for bringing the Dirty Santa present.

I used my bookgroup meeting as an excuse to spend the night with my mother-in-law and take a day off from school. I am not one to miss school. I have about 90 something sick days saved up. As all of you teachers out there know, it is harder to miss work than it is to be there. Sadly, I found out when I got home this afternoon that my sub never showed up. I hate that because I see those 17 babies as my own. It bothers me that their day was most likely quite stressful... Uncertainty to a young child is no bueno. There is no telling what they had to do.... I guess I will find out on Monday.

On a lighter note, until the BAD news, I had a GREAT day. I had entirely too much fun at Pottery Barn Kids. I lost track of how long we were there. A few weeks ago we painted the room a beautiful green called "lettuce." Then, my mother-in-law found an awesome green rug with off-white stars on it. Then, today my parents went all out for their first grandchild. They bought the cutest green gingham curtains and duvet covers, sheers with gingham stars, and blue gingham sheets. When it all arrives I will post pictures. Other than my serious lack of design talent - this is fun. Also, since I also am completely unable to make a decision on my own - thanks Jan and Mom for all the advice.

Finally, this week our social worker sent out surveys to our parents and friends who are giving us recommendations. I read the first one last night. She summed Ty up brilliantly. It is so interesting to read what other people see as your strengths and weaknesses. You all are so kind... This process has caused me to think about myself more than anything I have ever done. I wish all parents had to go through this....

Yes...We are still alive

If those of you who check our blog are still out there....
Yes, we are still here.


In the 75 degree December warmth.
All of you with the cute pictures of your children in the snow...I'm jealous.

I am not the writer in our family but he is a chef and it is DECEMBER. I haven't really seen him in weeks. I think he has worked 30 something straight days now. I am not nearly as humorous or well-spoken; however, by reading others I have begun to realize how important this blog is, so...I am going to give it a shot.

Over the past few months I have learned so much from reading all the blogs out there. Sometimes I sit and cry as I read the stories of unconditional love. Adoption is truely not for the fainthearted. God bless all of you.

We have a change to post. I know there is uncertainty in international adoption but the uncertainty in Kazakhstan is too much for us. When we originally decided to adopt we could not decide between Ethiopia and Kazakhstan. All we knew was that we want to adopt siblings. We decided on Kazakhstan but have just this week changed our minds. We have now settled on Ethiopia and are thrilled. We are still in the homestudy process so the change has not been a huge deal. Please keep us in your thoughts as you are in ours.

Jennifer

Self-explanatory

This has nothing to do with adoption but I couldn't help myself.




Sometimes in life we have to ask ourselves...what in the world?

Home Study Culture Shock / Is our plumbing OK?

It has been pretty hectic around here so I am going to try and catch up on some things.

We met our home study person Monday. She was very nice. A little freaked out that we would take 5 kids, but still nice. The last week has been full of people just a little freaked about us adopting. Being pretty laid back, this is amusing about 99% of the time, the other 1% is pretty annoying.

"Kaza....what did you say?"
"Why do you want to adopt kids, just have some."
"I don't think that's really smart." -this was BY FAR the most annoying comment of the week.

Back to the home study meeting:

We generally do not talk about our REALLY personal life with other people.
Finances=Accountant
Will=Lawyer
Health=Doctor
Car=Mechanic
Cash=Banker

You get the picture. This will be an interesting experience to say the least. I am looking at the outline for an autobiography they want us to write. Good Lord. Good Lord. Good Lord.

Describe the community you grew up in. (pretty standard)
How has marriage changed you? (ok, still Dr. Phil type stuff)
How much dating did you do? (who is reading this, do I have to really answer that, what is the definition of "dating" anyway?)
How did your parents handle sex education? (you CANNOT be serious)
What hardships have you faced (ok, back to standard fare, yes)
How did you deal with them? (wow, the dark side rears it ugly head again)

I am relieved that we don't need to worry about,"spelling, handwriting, or getting a grade." Thank God. Just ask my 10th and 11th grade algebra teacher. Same teacher. Same class. Same result, both times.

We talked alot about why we wanted a family, and how we have arrived at this juncture. Again, at times it is really weird for us to talk to a person about such intensely personal decisions. I guess this is just part of the process.


On a lighter note, we are having all of our plumbing torn out and redone. As the bathroom renovation went ahead it exposed some pretty serious issues with our plumbing. Now believe me, I am no plumber, but I do recognize 60 years of corroded nastiness when I see it. Thankfully, our basement is tall enough to stand in, and all of our mechanical systems are easily accessible. This dude named Rex is handling it all. Nice work, clean and methodical. Everything I want in a surgeon. And in a plumber.

But tonight I came home and we had issues.

"Hey baby"
"Yes?"
"We don't have water pressure"
"What?"
"We don't have water pressure"
"We better"
"We do....sort of"
"What are you talking about?'

So the search begins.

We have water leaking out somewhere and I can't find it. It has to be outside, the new line from the meter to the house. I bet I broke it some how. Maybe working in the flower bed. I don't know, but I bet I did. Get a shovel. I've got to dig along this line and see where I broke it. Get a flashlight too. And a beer. This may take awhile.

Maybe we should get a hotel.

Enter my next door neighbor. Lance and I went to high school together. He is SOLID people. Carpenter by trade, and really good at what he does.

"Man, are you sure you don't have a valve turned off in the basement?"
"Dude, are you serious, I already looked"
"Alright man, are you sure?"
"Yes man, I'm sure."
"Cool"

Exit Lance
15 minutes of mud digging in the almost rain..
Enter Lance

"Man I've been thinking about this, are you sure you don't have a valve cut off?"
"Yes, I looked like twenty times.
"Alright man, you need any help?"
"No, it's cool."

"I'm done with this, we're going to a hotel. Call somewhere we can take the dogs. I'm going in the basement to put the shovels away."

"Hey baby.'
"Yes"
"Cut the water on."
"OK"
"How does that work"
"Good, what did you do?"
"Cut this VALVE ON"
"Hey baby"
"Yes"
"Would you get me a beer please?"

Fingerprints and Fast Cars

First, ATTACK OF THE FINGERPRINTS!

If you are ever in need of perspective, or a little stress relief, hang out where people line up for night court. I was taken aback by the incredible cross section on Americana represented. Wealthy, not so wealthy, beligerent, boastful, humble, meek, downright petrified, and blatantly aggressive, the masses lined up for their turn in front of the bench.

Now mind you, we were not there for night court. We were there for the fingerprinting.

Back to the show.

Some random quotes from the line:
"How did he know my tag was expired"
"I ain't payin' nothin'"
"Your daddy is who?"
"What does failure to appear mean?"
"I still don't wear my seatbelt, it's a personal choice man!"
"I'm fightin' this ticket. Speedtraps are not legal"

After waiting for a snip of time we got to go back to the "Juvenile Fingerprinting" department. The people there were really nice. I think we were something of an attraction. People did not really know what to do with us, a couple, WANTING to be fingerprinted. They were not even sure they could fingerprint us for adoption.

Quote:

"Well, It don't say we can't on my list, so I guess we can"

So now we get to play.

The ink was neat. It felt like scotch tape on my fingers. I really like the way scotch tape feels. I was also relieved. No digital fingerprinting here. Old school. Sticky black ink. Two fingerprint cards each.

Plus:

Two letters of "good behavior" from the local police department.

Plays well with others.
Does not eat Elmer's glue.
Colors in the lines.

The fingerprint lady was nice. Nicer than I would be if I had to fingerprint angry juveniles. She was also VERY good at what she did. I did not even make a mess.

SIDEBAR:
Everyone who has worked with me, shared a meal with me, or worked around the house with me knows one fact. I will get dirty. I mean really dirty. Stuff all over me. ALL OVER ME.

So, fingerprint lady, thanks, you are the bomb. You also got our letters done. Even better. ONE TRIP. Although I may go back for the night court line.

Now to the strange.

We have been working around the house today, enjoying ourselves. Wow, that doesn't sound too weird.

Yes it does.
Talladega is today.
Talladega?
Yes, Talladega.
The Fall race, even better
What are you talkng about?



Today, something really wierd happened.

For the last four years, I have not missed a Talladega Nascar race. I know, I know. I can hear you all, rolling your eyes. But to me, this was a big deal. Other things have begun to influence my thinking.

The start of this process to build a family, has become a central theme around which we make decisions.

Many of you know me, many don't. I'll be fine with a beer in front of the TV and a couple of trips to Home Depot. Not to mention the trip to Pottery Barn. And the trip to Pier One. (What's up with that place anyway?)

Who is this doing the talking.

It's me(T).

And that's just fine.

What's that smell?

A packet came in the mail today. Its from CHI. I(T) have gotten to where I enjoy these packets.

Cool information. Pictures. My kind of things.

(T)"Hey baby"

(J)"Yes"

(T)"Do you know where we can get a picture of a paper mill?"

(J)"What"

(T)"A paper mill"

(J)"I know what you said, why?"

(T)"Have you read this packet?"

(J)"No"

(T)"You'll understand......"

My lord. Copies of copies. Copies of copies of copies. What in the world is going on here?

As I(T) mentioned previously, I am not so much of an organizer. Thankfully, she (J) is.

Looking through this thing, I have to laugh. Can anyone truly get their landlord to write them a letter if they are a renter? I(T) have lived in more than my share of apartments. I couldn't get water in a few of them.

Or heat.

Or air.

Or windows that closed, or opened, or weren't broken.

Will I really be able to get my doctor to write a letter? I am very close with several doctors, even business partners with one. I'm not so sure about this letter thing. I guess it can't hurt to ask. Maybe it will be more legible than a prescription. I love my doctor.

Financial statement.
-ok
Verification of (Insert a million different things here)
-wasn't that verified on another form?
Power of attorney

and on
and on
and on
and on
and on

What a strange and wonderful world I have now entered. Words like;
notarized
apostilled
verified
documented
documentation
immunization
referral

These are words that never meant anything before. Now they are becoming a bigger and bigger part of our conversations.
Carrying more weight than things which we thought were important.

Appointment to be fingerprinted. Tommorrow. I cannot wait. FINGERPAINTS BABY.

The trees are shaking. The pens are scared.

Pulp mills and checks made out to this agency or that.

"Can you smell that smell?"
-thanks Lynard Skynard



I(T) can.

It's just the paper mill. They're working overtime.

No Streamers? Fingerprinting & Hidden Toilets

The approval came in from CHI yesterday.

For all my concern and impatience last week, I have to admit it was nice that it came back so soon.

CHI (Children's Hope International) is the agency we have decided to pursue the adoption process through. I guess it was more of a "feeling" for us as far as who we were going with. We talked with others, swapped phone calls, and looked at websites, CHI just came out on top.

We are really excited. It is sort of difficult to transfer how I felt when we got the letter.

It was business like. No streamers popped out when you opened it. A nice letter. Streamers would have been a cool touch though. I guess now it really hits me, time to work. So many things I want to do. So many things that need to be taken care of. Generally I (T) respond to situations over which I have little or no control by working on things that I can control. Like our old bathroom.

So, next stop, fingerprinting. That could be fun.

I guess.

I imagine there is a line associated with that.
-you are in the wrong line
-you are at the wrong courthouse
-hey, the line starts back there
Or worse, waiting with a number in our hands
-sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair
-flourescent lights humming far too loud
Or even worse, making an appointment, then waiting in a line.
-we are so sorry, Mr. Y%$#& called in sick today, can you reschedule
-can you all excuse me while I take this call
Or the worst, waiting in a line for a number to get an appointment, to wait in line.
-we just ran out of numbers, can you come back after 3
-42, 42 , 42, 42, oh sorry, 4, 2, 4, 2. Just have a seat 42, we'll be with you shortly
-yeah man, we're in the 3:00 group too, 3:00 yesterday

I am dissappointed. I heard they do not use ink anymore. I do like fingerpaints. It would be like the prize at the end of the.............line.

I (T) have lucked out in that she (J) is much more organized and patient than I could ever claim to be.

We have two notebooks now.

One for the homestudy part of this.
One for everything else.

I (T) imagine there will be several more notebooks, each with a different customized cover, in fairly short order.

For my part in the beginning, I(T) finished tearing out the old bathroom today. No organization there, just a sledge hammer, a shovel, and a bandanna to keep out the sixty year old concrete.

I (T) am pretty difficult to deal with on these around the home projects. Generally, I have a problem getting past the initial shock of "oh my lord, I just cut a hole in the (insert noun here)."

We are trying to decide if we want to keep the floor. It is kind of cool in a dated, and homey sort of way. (Not retro, I hate that word)

I still need to get the tub out of there.

Maybe tomorrow.

The toilet has been gone for a year.

It is always funny to direct people into a bathroom with no toilet.

Of course we know where the other is hidden.

Deadlines & Dark Roux

Today, I (T) got a bit worked up.

(T)"Did you hear anything"
(J)"No"
(T)"No?"
(J)"Yes, no"
(T)"I'll just call them tomorrow"
(J)"I don't think the timeline said we'd get a letter or e-mail when the first application comes in."
(T)"Well, e-mail *&^%$#@! and see how long it took them to hear."

on and on and on and on....................................

I (T) am a deadline person. At work, we live and die every thirty seconds or so. Is the stock up to a simmer, is that roux ready, how is your station, are the (insert a million different plural nouns here) done........

She (J), not so much so. A class full of young ones is much more organic, less regimented, more fluid, than the timeclock I live by. Thank goodness. A counterweight to my timeclock. Thank goodness.

This waiting, looking in the mailbox, constantly checking my e-mail, looking for the postman, is a foreign thing to me. I am fairly accustomed to my world of instant gratifiaction.

How does it taste?
How does it look?
Is the dining room happy?
The comforting salinity of an Apalchicola oyster.
The crackle of cornbread against my fingertips.

This waiting. The application. The pictures (spending hours taking a thousand different pictures of our home) that I (T) believes no one will really look at. By the way, the ones you see here are the ones we sent.

I (T) have never been good at this.

Waiting.

A week into it. I'm not crazy.

Yet.

Just anxious.

I (T) like people to call me. "hey, we got it."
"Yeah, I know. I watched the tracking number on Fed-ex's website until V. )(*&^% signed for it."

Deadline met.

We still haven't shared with you all where we are adopting from.
Kazakhstan.

Why in the world would you go there?

(part of) Everything we heard:
"It's run by the mafia"
"What, Pakistan?"
"Why not China?"
"It is not an established program"
"It is more an art than a science"
"It is a crazy place"

At the end of the day, it is where our feelings lead us. It is, no doubt, a "long and winding road" (Thanks Led Zeppelin)

I (T) cannot really say, this is who, what, when, and where, that lead us to this point. I (T) can say it is where we belong.

Hoping the deadlines work out. Hoping the paperwork and everything else work out. Hoping someone somewhere takes a deadline as seriously as I (T) do.

I smell the roux. I know it is almost there.

Waitin' for a Miracle

It happened today. It. It. It happened today. We sent it off. Fed Ex picked it up. A strange looking guy, a cross between Jon-Michael, who none of you know and Lupe', who none of you know, carried it away. I photo copied every bit of it. I put it in a folder and sealed it it up. I have its tracking number. I have the photocopies. It gets to Brentwood, Tennessee in the morning.

It is the beginning of our family. It is a toe, dipped in the murky water of international adoption. It is our future. It is a little packet of information. The last eleven years, condensed into seven pages of questions: medical, financial, personal.

For days, we have obsessed, fretted, disagreed, and worried over what we would put in it.

"Just answer the question."
"I did answer the question."
"Why are you asking me then?"
"I don't know."

That is the last few weeks wrapped up in a nutshell.

For a year, Maizy, our boxer has sat and looked out of our front window. "What is she looking for, " a thousand times I asked. I know now. I know what it is.

For all of you that have helped this far, and that will help in the days to come, thanks. Thank you. Thank you.

We will forget to say that, wrapped up in the journey that lies ahead. So again, as always, thank you all.